GARY'S HOSPITAL NOTES.

WHEN YOUR EXHAUST TAIL PIPE CORRODES THROUGH Unlike a conventional car exhaust system, the body’s exhaust tail pipe does not hang below the chassis body unit. Your tail pipe known as the colon, passes through your sump area, and when a small hole or series of ruptures occurs this allows hot exhaust gasses, ( farts ) and combustion waste by products, (sh#t) to escape into your lower body cavities (sump area) and cause considerable pain, discomfort and swelling. Unlike your car, with holes in its exhaust system, your exhaust note does not become louder or more sporty, but more smelly. If you are in bed at the time of the leakage I suggest you pull your knees up under your chin to try and stop the pain. Rolling from side to side all the time and panting like they taught your wife to do during labour may also help. While doing all this, kick off the doona, as you will now be overheating. Your wife will most likely have already woken and left the love nest, to ask if she can assist in any way. The best thing she can do is phone for an ambulance. When you settle down a bit in hospital with the help of your new best friend, Mr. Morphine, best injected straight into your belly, close to the area of pain you can relax a bit and start to find out what has been going on. The roof over the tool shed is bulging a bit more and appears reddish in colour and very tender to the touch. Your cooling system, ( water works) seems to be over pressurised and your radiator overflow pipe is used more often and with great care as the area below your oil level filler plug (belly button) is now swollen and sore. If the above is happening to you or your car a visit to your friendly car repairer (The Healey Factory) or any good hospital should put yours or your cars tail pipe back to good working order by simply patching the holes or installing a new pipe to your car or in your body’s case their care three options. Option 1, do nothing, and I suspect, have a painful death. 2. A visit to hospital for some pain relief and a dose of antibiotics and intravenous feeding to give your tail pipe a rest and hopefully the holes will heal over. 3. If the holes are irreparable the damaged section can be cut out and a new exhaust outlet can be created into a colostomy bag. This will have serious effect on your exhaust note until what’s left of your tail pipe can heal and the operation be reversed. When the above is all completed and every thing is back to normal I am sure with a little practice you will have your special exhaust note back in fine tune once more. Do not forget to chew your food properly and drink plenty of water to keep your exhaust tail pipe in good working order. If you do not follow this advice you may, one day, feel like you are trying to pass golf balls wrapped in barbed wire whilst having severe stomach cramps. Gary Allen. Dandenong Hospital North Ward Bed 7C 29/7/10

GET WELL SOON GARY.